he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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