why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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