ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
