4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
