Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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