i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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