Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
