She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
