he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
