I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
