pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
