I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
