At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
