he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
