i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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