Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
