I want to make a zoo with you.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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