just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
