and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
