Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
