It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
