im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
