everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
