Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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