my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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