I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
