Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
