How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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