is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
