My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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