There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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