She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
