do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
