sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
