I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
