but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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