bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
