She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
