I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
