In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
