Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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