Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
