I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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