yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
