Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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