the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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