I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
