you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
