it was like his penis was on wheels.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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