I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
