I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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