Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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